1. |
Rap Sheet
02:02
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Why do I, why do I always play it so dumb?
Why do I, why do I always get so fucked up?
Why do I , why do I always play it so dumb?
Why do I, why do I always seem to fall in love?
Well, I ain’t got much for a rap sheet.
I ain’t read shit but Bukowski, I was just plannin’ on gettin’ by.
With a broken smile like mine, I’ll be fine.
I’ll keep growlin’ in this microphone. I’ll keep howlin’
’Til I get home and my baby says hey hon, how’d the show go?
I’ll say, “not to bad but we’re still broke, ’n,”
Been In Ames for a decade, plus.
Been in Iowa my whole life son, and it ain’t as much as a humble brag, I’m just layin’ down facts about Bleujack.
Don’t know, where I’m headed.
Don’t know how many times that I’ve said it,
I’m just tryin’ to learn how to love my life and all those things that I love, I’m a hold on tight.
Why do I, why do I always play it so dumb?
Why do I, why do I always get so fucked up?
Why do I , why do I always play it so dumb?
Why do I, why do I always seem to fall in love?
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2. |
Bite My Tongue
03:28
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Ain’t gettin’ any wealthier with age but I’m gainin’ perspective.
I’m talking’ Sunday summer blues with a whose knew? Kinda.. innocent inflection.
Peakin’ through the fish lens with a half squint, disinterested and deflected.
I hide my sins in a bucket and I’m stingy with my ‘fuck its’, but I know what I was born with and..
I will get high ’til my mind is numb.
At least for awhile ’til I can bite my tongue.
Sometimes I neglect my most basic needs, so I know they’re not taken for granted.
I wear my intentions on my sleeve, a drunk beard who’s still standin’.
I drink ’til dusk and I work ’til dawn a life with a chance, we’ve been handed.
When I’m left for dead, tell my folks I said, “My home state’s where I’ll be planted.”
and..
I will get high ’til my mind is numb.
At least for awhile ’til I can bite my tongue.
The roots took, life lived, despite his location of sleepin’.
Drove out of my way, chin’s hard as can be, still feel like I’m creeping’.
Up on a lost lamb with a knife in my hands feel the warm blood start seepin’.
I fuckin’ know I took the highest road I could without weepin’. and…
I will get high ’til my mind is numb.
At least for awhile ’til I can bite my tongue.
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3. |
Stones
04:18
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Well today I’m afraid. I’m afraid of takin’ more favors than I gave, in fact I know it, no I don’t show it. Don’t expect anyone to bite the bullet. Know you ain’t alone when you’re goin’ through the motions and hold up, your chin towards the moon. I wanna feel pale light reflectin’ while I swoon, into the truth. I’m just a cartoon. Slap stick, match lit, vice gripped little stooge. Convinced that life’s worth it, I admit I’m squirmin’. Everday’s a good one says the man givin’ the sermon. Still wish I prayed to god, wish my roots felt the sod. Ambition got twisted and struck like a lightning rod. Options weighed that day with no saving grace in place. Anger made a fist and put it through my logic’s face. And I put away my wicked ways. Save ‘em for a rainy day. Feeling’ trampled, troubled, taken away. In jail, heartbroken, or just close to the grave. A salty mother fucker with nothin’ at stake. One day I’ll pay for gas, maybe pump the brakes. Maybe get the fuck outta my home state.
And they’ll throw stones.
And we’ll still grow.
And I won’t be around.
When your dirty plans go south.
Well today I’ll behave. I’ll behave towards those who betrayed everything honest. And hopefully I’m gone once, this compromising conquest fucks the last promise. I wasn’t left a single thing, I won’t be left astonished. 1, 2, 3, one foot before the next. Debatin’ between gettin’ drunk and gettin’ too drunk for sex. The wool’s been pulled. I lost my go. Everytime, eye’s closed, I hear whispers wearin’ cloaks askin’ me if I’ll blow, the direction of my smoke, towards all a you folks who’ve given me a home, nope. Tie a rope to your chin, in case you gotta pull it up. Own all your sins, quit actin’ so fuckin’ tough. Basically, I’m tryin’ to be, a fly on our state’s wall. Seems to seem I’ll never leave. I keep fallin’ in love with y’all. I refuse to let a few distract me from what’s beautiful. Today’s the newest yet, let’s make sure it’s musical. Tearin’ our the pages of the book that is my life, seems the only healthy option’s left to shut my mouth and write. Thanks to all you for showin’ empathy for pain and I apologize to every friend I drug out through the rain, and…
And they’ll throw stones.
And we’ll still grow.
And I won’t be around.
When your dirty plans go south.
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4. |
Lucky
02:28
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You’re so fuckin’ lucky for every blade of grass you’ve seen. Every farm house surrounded by lovely evergreens. Oh, you’re so god damned lucky that you get to be anyone you want to try your damndest to be happy.
I’ll tell ya why you’re lucky, it’s ‘cuz you get to breath. Get to hear, get to see, get to feel it burnin’. I’ll tell ya why you’re lucky, it’s ‘cuz you’re growin’ up. Not ‘cuz you’re cool tryin’ not to give a fuck. I’ll tell ya why you’re lucky it’s ‘cuz you fucked up. And ya stood, and you knew, your chin could take a punch.
I’ll tell ya why you’re lucky it’s ‘cuz you get the choice, to sing real perrty or with a raspy voice,.
You’re so fuckin’ lucky for every blade of grass you’ve seen. Every farm house surrounded by lovely evergreens. Oh, you’re so god damned lucky that you get to be anyone you want to try your damndest to be happy.
I’ll tell ya why you’re lucky, it’s ‘cuz you live in Ames. Or ya don’t, but ya know, a familiar kinda place. Where not every mother fucker knows your fuckin’ name and he’s me. And he’s drunk. And he’s playin’ on the stage. Well, sometimes I’m unlucky but I don’t take it for granted, and just know you ain’t the only one, hurtin’ on the planet. I’ll tell ya why you’re lucky it’s ‘cuz I’m still here. Before the bar closes, let’s grab a couple beers.
You’re so fuckin’ lucky for every blade of grass you’ve seen. Every farm house surrounded by lovely evergreens. Oh, you’re so god damned lucky that you get to be anyone you want to try your damndest to be happy.
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5. |
Buck
02:34
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Buck ’n Trixie walked down to the woods. He asked for her hand. Asked her if he could be the man her heart desired. Buck wasn’t able to fuel her fire. They grew up together in a small town hell. Had a blue collar family, suited Buck well. Three brothers spinnin’ gears with their ears to the ground. The pedestal he built for her was crumblin’ down.
Buck was hurt, Buck was cryin’, buck was crawlin’ home.
Feelin’ dead. Soakin’ wet. She was all he knows.
Buck was hurt, Buck was cryin’, buck was crawlin’ home.
Feelin’ dead. Soakin’ wet. She was all he knows.
Buck stood short while he sobered up. Cleaned his room. Brewed a cup. Only one thing was on his mind. He just needed time, oh, he needed time. Time stood still for a week or so. Trixie smiled, Buck couldn’t cope. He said maybe I’ll get through it and he shook it off. Once his head hit the pillow, once again, time stopped.
Buck was hurt, Buck was cryin’, buck was walkin’ slow.
Feelin’ dead. Takin’ steps. She was all he knows.
Buck was hurt, Buck was cryin’, buck was walkin’ slow.
Feelin’ dead. Takin’ steps. She was all he knows.
He was strugglin’ with booze and drugs and whatnot. Who knew heartbreaks taught ya how to tie a slipknot? Held on tight to his friends ’n foes. Anything to pass the time, y’know, help him grow. Buck moved away down south, I think. Found a job, found a gal, played the links. Two kids and a dog, Buck worked real hard. Time lets wounds heal up, for the most part.
No more hurt, no more cryin’, no more crawlin’ home.
He owned some dirt, had a family, now that’s all he knows.
No more hurt, no more cryin’, no more crawlin’ home.
He owned some dirt, had a family, now that’s all he knows.
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6. |
Frames
03:48
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Sometimes, for work, I’m late. Sometime’s from me, you won’t hear for days. Sometimes folks call me fake. Sometime’s, I never seem to hear it face to face.
But we we’re all the rage. Feelin’ the next mornin’, anything but our age. We was locomotive trains. Flyin’ one direction wearin’ black non-prescription frames. And yet, today, we still say. We scream. With our fists in the air, FUCK THE MAN, while we work on our mistakes. But me, I just need a place to rest my head. Hopefully, next to that sweet pretty face.
Sometimes I’m not around. Sometimes I growl ’n make them raspy sounds. Sometimes I’m drunk ’n loud. Sometime’s I guess I just don’t know how..
We we’re all the rage. Feelin’ the next mornin’, anything but our age. We was locomotive trains. Flyin’ one direction wearin’ black non-prescription frames. And yet, today, we still say. We scream. With our fists in the air, FUCK THE MAN, while we work on our mistakes. But me, I just need a place to rest my head. Hopefully, next to that sweet pretty face.
Sometimes I get confused. About who I can and cannot lose. Sometimes I feel so used. Sometimes, for me, I feel there ain’t no use.
But we we’re all the rage. Feelin’ the next mornin’, anything but our age. We was locomotive trains. Flyin’ one direction wearin’ black non-prescription frames. And yet, today, we still say. We scream. With our fists in the air, FUCK THE MAN, while we work on our mistakes. But me, I just need a place to rest my head. Hopefully, next to that sweet pretty face.
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7. |
Jar of Memories
03:48
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She wore a sexy little summer dress ’n always so sarcastic. Of her, I think the world, even though our end was tragic. And I don’t regret a thing, ‘cuz what we had was magic. I just hope she finds a man who ain’t a selfish drunken savage. Pulled a pistol from her broken heart and pulled the trigger back, click. Lady Luck was on my side, she was shootin’ from the hip. Eyes met. And her face starts to shift. Another jar of memories I’ll never get a grip. And gettin’ a grip is just the thing that I think I need to do. I’ll never ask for you, again, to walk a mile in my big dumb boots. Ain’t afraid to try. I’m terrified to lose. I’d a never given up on us, if it was somethin’ I could choose.
If I could choose. If I could choose you.
She pulled a pistol from her broken heart and pulled the trigger back, click. Lady Luck was on my side, she was shootin’ from the hip. Eyes met. And her face starts to shift. Another jar of memories I’ll never get a grip. And gettin’ a grip is just the thing that I think I need to do. I’ll never ask for you, again, to walk a mile in my big dumb boots. Ain’t afraid to try. I’m terrified to lose. I’d a never given up on us, if it was somethin’ I could choose.
No flower pedals in her hair but there’s a flask in her pocket. Queen bee, care free, she knows how to rock it. The perfect light hit her face in the early August. Trouble ever tried to find her, I’d try and stop it. With the pistol still at her hips, I’m starin’ at her lips. Can’t believe it all went down like this. Popped a shot, made me drop, ’n I thought. Thought it came to this, ’n this is somethin’ I forgot.
If I could choose. If I could choose you.
She pulled a pistol from her broken heart and pulled the trigger back, click. Lady Luck was on my side, she was shootin’ from the hip. Eyes met. And her face starts to shift. Another jar of memories I’ll never get a grip. And gettin’ a grip is just the thing that I think I need to do. I’ll never ask for you, again, to walk a mile in my big dumb boots. Ain’t afraid to try. I’m terrified to lose. I’d a never given up on us, if it was somethin’ I could choose.
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8. |
V as in Victor
02:49
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Well, my mother taught me to say V as in Victor when I spell out my last name.
My father, he kept gettin’ richer and richer and I, guess I walked the other way.
Well, your friends become you, ’n you become them. ’N I’ll, take that to the grave. ’N I’ll search for folks, in hopes that they don’t turn out anything like me.
And I taught myself how to bleed.
I taught myself to love my life.
I taught myself that I can’t sing.
I taught myself that I can’t fight.
My brother taught me to question, taught me to, learn against the grain. To make sure what I’m doin’ is what I want to be doin’, day to day. I work smart, ’n I sing smarter. ’N I drink hard just like my father. I work smart, ’n I sing smarter. ’N I drink hard just like my father ’n I
Taught myself how to bleed.
I taught myself to love my life.
I taught myself that I can’t sing.
I taught myself that I can’t fight.
I work smart, ’n I sing smarter. ’N I drink hard just like my father. I work smart, ’n I sing smarter. ’N I drink hard just like my dad.
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9. |
Liar
04:19
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The sun’s been down a little while, time to get a little loose.
Don’t know if we only life once, or if we get to choose. Who we get to be or where we get to plant roots. Is it based on decisions? Or piss poor attitudes? Shootin’ for the middle, definition, that’s me. Playin’ my guit-fiddle it’s prescription set me free. Don’t care for your riddles, you’re not that interesting. ’N if you start to catch the giggles feel free to throw a wink…
I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t on fuckin’ fire.
I’d be alive if I’d only taken just a little more time.
One day we’ll get it right. But my kid got sick and my landlord’s pissed.
I’d be so high, if I closed my eyes and ignored the times.
You’ll know me as a Piece Of Shit who helps ya through the thick of it. Won’t be havin’ lavender ‘cuz it reminds me of her scent. Lately feelin’ lost, taste my boot inside my mouth again. Maybe I’ll grow up, maybe get the fuck over it. Workin’ on myself and writin’ songs and drinkin’ less. Been thinkin’ that I got a real shot at happiness. I know I should try ’n move the fuck up out my state. But I love the way the women fuck, the way the hippies sing.
I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t on fuckin’ fire.
I’d be alive if I’d only taken just a little more time.
One day we’ll get it right. But my kid got sick and my landlord’s pissed.
I’d be so high, if I closed my eyes and ignored the times.
The other day they pulled a tooth, self care ain’t my strongest suit. Don’t like gettin’ worked up so I try and not watch too much news. Quiet midwest nights help me focus on the brutal truth: Ain’t nothin’ fair ‘bout life so let’s fuck and drink some booze. Kiddin’, but I think I know what the world needs. Minds need to open, need a strong community. Stop hatin’ on the different, on the lonely, on the weak. Just admit your shit stinks and find someone you can please.
I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t on fuckin’ fire.
I’d be alive if I’d only taken just a little more time.
One day we’ll get it right. But my kid got sick and my landlord’s pissed.
I’d be so high, if I closed my eyes and ignored the times.
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10. |
Pictures and Poems
03:49
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I don’t wanna fall in love with the leaves, just wanna talk with the wind, and then we’re, all evolving in every direction and we’ll all die missin’ our friends.
Don’t tell my mother’s mother but I done sinned again. You can’t ask for forgiveness if no one is listenin’. I remember when we was friends, and, I imagine if it’d all been different.
But I ain’t got no more regrets, despite me losin’ so many friends.
Sometimes it takes all my heart can take to make my stubborn self change.
Write me a poem about how to get home. Paint a picture of a kid not afraid to be on his own. Save a photo of us all alone. Be glad that apart ain’t the way we’ve grown. You never told me how you felt all those stormy nights. Whispers from your ghost told me everything you left behind.
But I ain’t got no more regrets, despite me losin’ so many friends.
Sometimes it takes all my heart can take to make my stubborn self change.
At the end of my road, runnin’ away from home. ’N I’m gettin’ old. Time to step back towards where I’m from. Time to find someone to love so I don’t wind up a lonely schmuck. Oh I think she works hard, harder than me. But that ain’t sayin’ much ‘cuz I’m so fuckin’ lazy. Write me a prescription please so I can finally rest in piece.
But I ain’t got no more regrets, despite me losin’ so many friends.
Sometimes it takes all my heart can take to make my stubborn self sane.
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Bleujack Ames, Iowa
Iowa born and raised.
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